Taking Control by Letting Go
So… how did it go last week? Were you able to bring yourself to action regarding confidence? What steps did you take and how will you continue to build on them to go even further?
Did you find certain things getting in your way or prohibiting you from taking action? What were they? And were they things that might be out of your control?
Take a minute to sit back and think about this because that is what I want to talk about today.
Typically when we think about the word control we think about being in charge or having a handle on something. At least that’s the first thing that comes to mind for me. We learn as children that having control is important, that it’s a sign of strength. But what they don’t teach us is, it is ultimately impossible to have control over everything in our lives. No matter how hard we try or want it. Furthermore, they also don’t teach us that not having control is not, and should not, be considered a sign of weakness.
What if you were to let go of all the things in your life you could not control? What is the worst thing that you think could happen? What is the best thing that could happen?
Take preparing for an interview for instance. It’s your dream job and you have all the skills in the world to land it. Yet although excited, you are also extremely nervous.
We’ve all been there…. Panicked that our resume isn’t strong enough, worried that we won’t have the right answers to the questions asked, afraid that we’ll trip up and say something so humiliating that we won’t be able to face the interviewer again when all is said and done. As a coach, my curiosity immediately leads me to the question: how does being nervous serve your purpose? Sure it’s a natural feeling given the situation and circumstance but what does it do to the process of getting you where you want to be? Instead of focusing your energy on building yourself up, tapping into your strengths and confidence, you let the fact that you are nervous get in the way of you reaching your full potential!
What if I told you there was a way around this? That your full potential is well within reach so long as you want it and are willing to put in the work?
Shifting your focus from what is out of your control to what is in your control could very well be the answer.
Feelings are normal, natural elements of life. They’re not always pretty but they are a part of what makes us human. The underlying beauty is that even though we may not be able to control their onset, what we can control is the way in which we play into them.
In the example above regarding the interview, if we let go of the panic, worry, and fear we open ourselves up to the clarity of confidence and the potential to be our best selves. Here are two examples of how this can be done.
Your resume is your story of how you have arrived at this very time and place. It is unique to your journey. The truth is you can’t control how others will react to it but you can stand proud of where you have been and who you have
become along the way. Take ownership of your experiences and figure out ways to use them to your advantage.
Who knows what specific questions the interviewer will ask you during your meeting. You’ll never be able to predict them so stop worrying yourself with trying to come up with the “right” answers. Instead, try thinking about all of the reasons why you are qualified for the position and a few general examples from your past to support them. This way when questions arise you can confidently call on specific experiences and circumstance that speak to your character and value.
When you begin to make subtle shifts, such as these, in your thinking you subconsciously start to take control of the situation.
And now, you’re winning!
Not only are you continuing to build confidence but you are also creating positive space for other seeds to grow.
This week I challenge you to mentally let go of one thing each day that is out of your control and doesn’t serve your purpose. Take note of what it is so you can reflect on them at the end of the day/ week for a full overview of your progress. Ask yourself... How would things be different if you didn’t let go? What were the benefits? What were the challenges? What have you learned? See what positive shifts you begin to make.
Once you get in the habit of managing your expectations for certain things you’ll learn that letting go of what you cannot control is most often the best use of power that you have.